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School
Jokes
The following
jokes are loosely linked to the school curriculum and may be used in
class.
Science
A hydrogen atom
goes into a police station and says “Officer, someone’s stolen my
electron!”
“Are you sure?”
says the constable.
“I’m positive.”
A neutron goes
into a pub and says “A pint of bitter, please.”
The landlord
duly pours him one.
“How much is
that?” says the neutron.
“For you,” says
the landlord. “There’s no charge.”
Maths
A shepherd is
working in a field, and let’s face it, that’s pretty dull work,
nothing to do other than watch sheep and occasionally count them
(and we know what that does).
So one day he
turns to his sheepdog and says, “I’m just nipping into the village
or a couple of pints, keep an eye on the sheep for me.”
“No bother,”
says the dog. “Do you want me to do anything?”
“Yeah, can you
count them for me?”
“No probs.”
So the shepherd
goes for a couple of pints.
When he comes
back he sees the sheepdog.
“Any problems?”
he asks.
“No,” says the
dog.
“Did you count
the sheep?” asks the shepherd.
“Yes,” says the
dog. “You’ve got a hundred.”
“That’s funny,”
says the shepherd. “When I counted them earlier, I’d only got 98.”
“That’s
alright,” says the sheepdog. “I’ve rounded them up for you.”
MFL
A German goes
into a bar and says “Two martinis please.”
The landlord
says “Dry?”
“No,” says the
German. “Just ze two.”
A German is
walking down a beach and he sees a woman shouting.
“Help me, my
dog’s drowning.”
So the German
leaps into the sea and grabs hold of the dog. The dog fights him,
but he wrestles it back to shore, gives it heart massage and the
kiss of life.
“That’s
amazing,” says the woman. “Are you a vet?”
“No,” says the
German. “I’m absolutely soaking.”
A Roman goes
into a bar and says, “A Martinus please”
The barman says,
“Don’t you mean a Martini?”
The roman says,
“If I want a double I’ll ask for it.”
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