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There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
 
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School Jokes
 
The following jokes are loosely linked to the school curriculum and may be used in class.
 
Science
 
A hydrogen atom goes into a police station and says “Officer, someone’s stolen my electron!”
“Are you sure?” says the constable.
“I’m positive.”
 
A neutron goes into a pub and says “A pint of bitter, please.”
The landlord duly pours him one.
“How much is that?” says the neutron.
“For you,” says the landlord.  “There’s no charge.”
 
 
Maths
 
A shepherd is working in a field, and let’s face it, that’s pretty dull work, nothing to do other than watch sheep and occasionally count them (and we know what that does).
So one day he turns to his sheepdog and says, “I’m just nipping into the village or a couple of pints, keep an eye on the sheep for me.”
“No bother,” says the dog.  “Do you want me to do anything?”
“Yeah, can you count them for me?”
“No probs.”
So the shepherd goes for a couple of pints.
When he comes back he sees the sheepdog.
“Any problems?” he asks.
“No,” says the dog.
“Did you count the sheep?” asks the shepherd.
“Yes,” says the dog.  “You’ve got a hundred.”
“That’s funny,” says the shepherd.  “When I counted them earlier, I’d only got 98.”
“That’s alright,” says the sheepdog.  “I’ve rounded them up for you.”
 
MFL
 
A German goes into a bar and says “Two martinis please.”
The landlord says “Dry?”
“No,” says the German.  “Just ze two.”
 
A German is walking down a beach and he sees a woman shouting.
“Help me, my dog’s drowning.”
So the German leaps into the sea and grabs hold of the dog.  The dog fights him, but he wrestles it back to shore, gives it heart massage and the kiss of life.
“That’s amazing,” says the woman.  “Are you a vet?”
“No,” says the German.  “I’m absolutely soaking.”
 
A Roman goes into a bar and says, “A Martinus please”
The barman says, “Don’t you mean a Martini?”
The roman says, “If  I want a double I’ll ask for it.”

 

 

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