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The ladies in the south can never do it right
  
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A bloke goes into a garage.

“Can of BP,” he says.

“No,” says the assistant.  “But a goldfish can fart.”

 

A bloke goes to the vets.

“Vet,” he says.  “It’s about my cat.”

“Is it a tom?” asks the vet.

“No, I’ve brought it with me.”

 

Two women were outside a jewellers looking at diamond rings.

One says, “There’s the one I’d get.”

And a Cyclops kicks her head in.

 

So they go into the shop and the assistant says, “(chew…chew…chew) Can I help you?”

“Yes,” says the woman.  “I’d like to know about that ring.”

“(chew…chew…chew) What would you like to know?”

“Eighteen carat?”

“(chew…chew…chew)  No I’m chewing gum.”

 

Two packets of trapped wind in the large intestine.

One says to the other, “Are you stopping in tonight?”

“No,” says the other.  “I’m of out.”

 

In a Barnsley keep fit class the instructor says “Hand on thighs.”

And they all went (cover your eyes with your hands).

 

 

 

 

 
 
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